A Year Full Of News

Dear Reader,

Happy New Year to you. It has been about a month since I've been back to tell you more stories, but I think about it everyday the really problem is when to find time to write and what to write about. This is the New Year for crying out loud a year full of new things to come, new complications, new friends, new experience, relationships and more. So let's start with the end of December shall we?

It's the almost the New Year and honestly I don't think I've ever been so excited for a new year to begin. 2012 seriously tested my limits, my strengths and weaknesses were found, my feelings were hurt and I found some sort of happiness. Paxton turned one, I divorced my husband, I moved back home, I had a total of 4 jobs, I started school, life was hard and life was good. I made new friend, lost some old friends, had my heart broken but found great new relationships, I was happy and I was sad. 2012 was hands down the hardest year of my life, WITHOUT a doubt.

I feel has my new year resolution was to get a long with Carsen, but as we know that doesn't always happen. No matter how hard I try it doesn't always go my way. But after the holidays I feel like we were both just emotional worn out, at  least I know I was and maybe I'm still recovering from all of that.  Tensions started to get high for some reason, we would argue about EVERYTHING! Now Reader one thing I absolutely hate with every fiber of my being is being hung up on. ew. It rubs me so wrong, I honestly hate that more than anything. And I bet you can guess who does this more than anyone I know. Yep, Carsen. He hangs up on me all the time, when I'm being "mean". No I'm not being mean I just want you to pull your head out and stop being so damn selfish.

Once again Carsen refused to tell me his work or school schedule, and Reader maybe you think 'Well he doesn't have to tell you those things'; which could be the case IF we had a custody agreement through the courts but we don't we just try to be civil enough to do it ourselves so I need things like that and Carsen just won't ever let up. So I need it and like always he won't work with me. I honestly don't care what seeing Paxton does for Carsen or his family but I know from my own experience that it's going to be important to Paxton one day, but honestly I hate sharing.

As I look back on last  year during this time I vividly remember how awful my marriage was. I remember constantly fighting with Carsen. I remember being so unhappy. I remember contemplating leaving him. I wanted out so bad but I wanted to be a fighter for my son even more. Hey Reader, do you ever go down a road or hear a song maybe even just notice the time of year and remember a bitter sweet memory? I hope you do. Because then I'm not the only one. I look back on the last 3 years and see all my ups and downs with Carsen. I try not to think about them but every once in awhile I see myself than and I can't remember ever imagining I'd be where I am today. Sometimes it makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me angry but other time it makes me happy.
I realize we've all had our fair share of moments like this. I want to share mine with you as they come to me. I want you to be involved as possible because writing to you helps me heal. I've realized over the last couple months that the stories I tell you sad, good or bad that it has helped me heal. So don't stop reading, follow me, try to be as much apart of this as I let you be.

So here's to the New Year.

Until next time;
Read on. Enjoy.

Mommy Manda