In The Blink Of An Eye..

Dear Reader;
Phew!!! Where have I been the last...almost month? Honestly the last few weeks have just kind have been a time of change and a time of celebration. My birthday and Mothers' Day around the corner and Easter, I guess you could say I've just been livin'. And I've mostly been trying to figure out what to talk about next, what else to tell you, what has been on my mind and what's been going on. So after much thought especially the last 2 maybe 3 days I've finally figured out what exactly is on my mind to share and that thing is TIME!

Reader, do you realize that Paxton is already 3?!?! That means for 3 years I've been living this mommy life. I've been aiding another human thru life for 3 years and honestly it truly feels like yesterday I was finding out that I was almost 5 months pregnant with Paxton. How could 1,095 and then some already have passed? Where did it all go? Where did my new born, somewhat orange(jaundice), blue eyed, premie clothes wearing baby go? Where did all the 'first moments' go? So much in such a short amount of priceless time!

And that's just it Reader, it's so priceless, it's so incredibly precious; and to be honest it didn't hit me until on Saturday night when the subject of Paxton starting kindergarten in just 2 short year came up, and I realized as a parent time is everything the concept of time is completely change and at that has changed. I'm no longer a "Teen Mom" because I'm no longer technically a teen and it seems as though it was such a short time ago that I was coming to the realization that I was a mom and I was 16 years old, such a short time ago that my baby was taking his first breathe, such a short time ago that I was getting married and completely in love, such a short time ago that our love faded and it was time to divorce..

Wow!
I guess what I'm getting at is that my time is priceless and I mean it always has been; for you and me and everyone else in between but now it's all making me realize that I don't have all the time in the world. In 13 years I will be car shopping with Paxton and Carsen and just a short 2 maybe 3 years after that Paxton will starting his own life; either with college or a mission or a family maybe with a girl or whatever else he wants at the point in his life but as for me time is now, the time is RIGHT this moment and I'm not getting it back..it brings me to tears because thinking about how long that is but how short is feels is my life fading away and my baby growing up my baby not being a baby anymore and starting his own life. THAT'S MY BABY!! and his time is too precious to lose.

Reader; I just want you to know how precious this subject has become to me lately because it's my life flashing before my eyes. And this time is the world to me, so enjoy it all. Enjoy the little things, enjoy the things that make you cry, enjoy the life you're living and live something worth enjoying because before you know it Reader it's gone, in just the bling of an eye.

And as always;
Read on&Enjoy<3
Mommy Manda

Because Change Is A Good Thing..

Dear Reader,

Holy hell!!! It's been almost an entire year since I've written to you, my heart is sad that I stopped, because telling you about life made things seem a little bit easier. However can you really blame me, I mean I've had a busy, somewhat crazy, and very blessed last year. From 2 to 3 years old, reuniting of friends, heart breaks, new and old love, a job here and a job there, a year at school, a semester off to find the true meaning of life for a little bit, tears, laughs but most of all love.. And now I've decided it's time to come back. So why not? Why not tell you stories of the last year, and of the present? There isn't a reason because as always whether you read just because you're nosy, or read because you're bored, or even if  you're just reading to find inspiration I want to, I want to share all of these stories with you Reader..
So as always,

Let's begin..

Reader, a lot has happened for Paxton and I in the last year of life, since the last time we talked to you. We are still going thru trials; even if he doesn't know about them, they are happening for the two of us. We still play, and we still bonk our heads and we still make bug messes but most of all Paxton and I are still happy.

I seem to be at a loss of word for what to talk to you guys about, because I don't know where to start..
This is where we can start Carsen and I, that seems to always be a good topic and very popular one if you will.

How is mine and Carsen's relationship you may be asking yourself, right? Well as of today and this moment, it's decent.. as always I want to smack him around now and then and I want to thank him for giving me the greatest blessing I could ever ask for, I want to talk some sense into him on a good day. I want to hug him for being a good day on a hard day, and I can't lie on a bad day, sometimes I wish I could just get rid of Carsen. Would I ever actually do that? Never in my life. I'll never really truly wish that because Carsen is my sons' very very good father, whom my son adores and getting rid of Carsen would mean heartache for the most important person I've ever met in my life and I could never wish that upon my son. Besides like my mom always says "If wishes were fishes, we'd all have a fry."

Reader,

I want to tell you about Paxton Michael!! He has grown so much since we last talked. He's such a little stinker, he's incredibly smart and caring, he's absolutely hilarious and so sassy and full of life. He's everything I could ever imagine my child being and then some.. he's everything I need, he's my biggest blessing and my biggest trial.

I love my son more than I could ever put in these words, more than I could ever show you, or tell you. He's my everything. Paxton is exactly everything I needed at exactly the right time in my life.




But Reader like I told you my son is smart, and he's much smarter than I think, and lately this seems to be catching up with me. He's starting to catch onto life, he's started to catch on to his dad and I. He is starting to understand my words when I'm angry with his dad, and he's starting to repeat things that are said at either house he is at,, but most of all he's starting to realize that at one point in time his daddy and I were in love, very in love. And truth be told I knew this day would come eventually but it breaks my heart. He knows at one point in time we were married, and I was a "princess".

Not to long ago Paxton started sleeping in his new big boy bed, which clearly called for some change right? (I save some old stuff of me and Carsen, like engagement pictures and knickknacks like that because I figure one day it may be important to my son.) However the change in his room that was about to happen I was not ready for..
Paxton went thru my drawers in my room and found a picture of "momma and daddy" and asked
"my woo will put dis in my room?"
And I did. I had too, and every night he tells me that's his mom and dad, when we were married. This breaks my heart because he's right it was when we were ALMOST married but he knows, he knows that we were happy at one time, and at one time I loved his dad very much and before I know it Paxton is going to want to know why that love faded..

Read On and Enjoy<3

Mommy Manda