Yes, you're right I'm doing 2 posts in one night...well, well lucky you! ;) I felt like the last was a speed through, let's get caught up on what will be written. Maybe I didn't keep you guessing like I usually do but I didn't want to bore you or get you confused with the millions of things I want to tell you. So after today let's go back to day by day post by post. I don't know how much more I need to tell you about when I left. I think you've got that down but let's get up to speed on what life is now and the trials of everyday. Look if you know me well, or even if you don't know me well I'm sure you already know that I am my own type of breed. There aren't much like me, and with that I kind of just stick to what I know and how I do things, basically I'm always right. I'm a very hard personality to take, I'm extremely extroverted, I'm very opinionated, in fact let's just say most of the time I'm just an asshole. Well with that comes my opposites, introverts. The cool, the calm, the collected. And Reader if you know me by now you should know that Carsen is my opposite. He's kind of, hmm... shall we say a belly side up person. How we worked, although dysfunctional, for as long as we did is still a mystery to me. I don't mean this as a bad thing, because well.. everything needs it's opposite. Light to dark. Small to Big. Loud to Quiet or even Heaven to Hell. But this right here Reader cause an issue between us. Even if there is no real reason for an issue, I'm irrational about 97% of the time and if there isn't an issue I'll find one, and that is the most true when it comes to Carsen. I just don't know what or why but for some reason it just comes natural to me to make it(whatever it may be) an issue and give me a reason to be mean or rude or irrational as most would say. However for me it's none of those things, I don't feel I am mean, rude and especially not irrational. I take things serious, I MEAN BUSINESS at all times but most of all when it comes to my son and the things I do and do not want for him in this life.
Carsen and I have always tried, emphasis on TRIED to make co-parenting and divorce something easy for Paxton. Now understand it doesn't always happen that way, but we try and most of the time when it's not happening that way it's me being an ass. However sometimes for me it's so much more than just picking a fight because I can and knowing I'll be right because I'm the mom. Sometimes it is actually stuff that really matters and because we are different it makes it hard to see eye to eye on a lot of things. For instance:School
Sports
Parenting Ways
Influences
It's crazy to think that school is an issue because well all kids have to go to school and our child is no exception. Carsen and I are both book smart people so we take it seriously but I also saw him waste away school and sometimes I don't trust his efforts or instincts and this is one of our biggest problems lately. Although everything is cleared up now Carsen and I have been fighting about Paxton going to school since he started preschool 2 years ago. Carsen didn't want him in preschool as a 3 year old, and I did it's important to me. We did another year of preschool and Carsen wasn't completely for that but I was. Then comes the issue of where he'll go when he starts Elementary, does he go to school in my boundries? Well of course I vote yes, he's mine and I'm the mom. But Carsen's the dad.. Carsen doesn't work so it'll be easy for him to get Paxton to and from school but what about me? I have to get him to and from school and I work full time. This was inconvenient. It's not like Carsen and I live 30 minutes from one another; in fact we only live 7 minutes from each other but I want Paxton to go to school where I live.
Carsen brings up a private or charter school!! And while I'm all for a better education I also care about his social life, sure... laugh it up. But that's important. Kids need other kids to be around, kids need to be in sports and need to socialize. While I am a total nerd for me a social life is important. I missed out on mine after I had Paxton, and that was my own choice but Carsen doesn't get it because Carsen didn't miss out. He still did whatever he wanted and I was 16 at home with a newborn baby and I don't want that for Paxton...no no I wasn't talking about being 16 and a mother haha, although I don't want that either I was talking about him feeling like he missed out. So I tell Carsen no, I want him in a public school. What does Carsen do? He goes behind my back and enters Paxton in for a charter school lottery.. and HE GETS IN!!!! This is a HUGE opportunity for Paxton and I know that I understand the luck behind this all and the doors it could open for my son but the fact of the matter is WE, both of us, me and Carsen are his parents and we make these decisions together. It was all a blessing and I decided we will do it but that doesn't change the fact I felt put off by Carsen. THIS MATTERS!! I work full time, in fact I travel an hour away twice a week for work.. now how in the hell is that supposed to work. Charter schools need more parent involvement, your kids need more time from you for things that go with school. Sure it'll be easy for Carsen cause he doesn't work but what about me, my schedule when Paxton is with me? What about the extra step that we'll need for Paxton to thrive in this school. WHAT HAPPENED TO DECISION MAKING TOGETHER....
Readon&Enjoy<3
Mommy Manda
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