Now I need you to understand that you are about two year behind in my very amazing journey through motherhood, but Reader I want you to know the story I want you to understand all of it. I am trying my hardest to make you feel as if you are apart of this. Why? Well because I want to inspire someone, I want be make a difference even for just one person. So I'm trying to get you up to speed, in a timely manner, without overloading you with a bunch of long readings.
Baby blue eyes. This little tiny person is looking at me with these amazing baby blue eyes...
WAIT,, what the hell! I have dark brown eye and Carsen has hazel eyes, and this little man is looking at me with these amazing baby blue eyes. He gets them from probably both sides of the family, but what are the chances he has these BIG blue eyes.
Paxton is 6lbs and 11.5oz. He's so precious. I love him more than any person I've ever loved. He's the perfect mix of his father and of me. Reality starts setting in, as I realize I am now a mother. I have a little person who is going to solely depend on me, for the next..well at least 18 years. Honestly I wouldn't mind if he wanted longer than that. I love him.
Nursing 101.
I am a 16 year old junior and I want to nurse(breastfeed) my little boy. I want to prove that despite my age I can do this. I can do anything that an older, married mother can.
"OUCH!!"
Nursing hurts. But he latches on just right and it only hurts for second. And suddenly I begin to cry. Oh my heck, I'm not pregnant anymore quit being a pussy Manda. But it's not even that, it's that I feel like I'm a mother. I feel so important right now. I feel so accomplished. My goal is at least one year. This is going to be so hard seeing as how I have to finish high school with a baby, and I want to nurse for at least a year. Maybe I was a little ambitious. But Reader, I am proud to tell you I did it, in fact I nursed this amazing little boy til he was 16 months old! Above and beyond!
Enough about nursing.
We got to go home when Paxton was 2 days old. February 17, 2011 how do we decide where we are going to live? Is the family going to be helpful? Is Carsen gonna stay at our house or will we stay with him? What about school for him? This might have been the most stressful day for me. I didn't know how to be a mom. I knew what NOT to do, because I had a perfect example of that but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to be a good mommy. What the hell was I thinking?? I was scared.
I am blessed so very very blessed. I have the most amazing child. He was such a good baby he hardly cried, and for how many problems Carsen and I had as babies we were blessed to have a perfect baby who received none of our problems. aww.
Marriage??
Carsen's parents pushed marriage like none other. Which was NOT okay. We live in Utah okay, we are already screwed because we live in a society that believes marriage is key. But I wanted Carsen to marry me, because he wanted to marry me because he loved me. NOT because it was what is considered "right" or because I had his baby. Well Reader let me tell you, I said something. I asked everyone to please stop talking about it, DO NOT ask about marriage. just STOP!!!!!!
And they did.
April 24th, 2011. Easter. My 17th Birthday. My sons first Easter. The day the love of my life asked me to marry him.
Carsen hid the ring in Paxton's easter eggs and as we opened them as a family on my birthday at his Grandma's house with his whole family I opened the egg with a beautiful ring in it and started to cry. Carsen grab my hand and said:
"Manda, will you please marry me?"
........"well??"
"Yes, Yes I will."
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