..sent here to soften hearts..

Dear Reader,
Last night I know I left you hanging, I'm sorry, but not sorry. It keeps you coming back for more, right? But this is kind of where I was at. In one day I found out I was 19 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. And that my next appointment was in 4 weeks. Uh...Thanks.. I guess.

The rest of the night was so CRAZY!! So many questions, so many tears, and so much yelling.

Carsen's dad must have been the worst. He was so mad, and this didn't help our rocky relationship anyways. I felt so bad for Carsen though, all he wanted was to be accepted from his dad, and well getting a girl pregnant in  high school coming from a very very strict LDS family was not a way to get acceptance. I think more than anything he was devastated thinking Carsen was gonna go on a mission and go away to college and all this stuff, and he was mad at us for breaking his moms heart. So if you're reading now. I'm sorry, I'm sorry in those few months you felt as if we ruined our lives but Paxton is a huge blessing in all of our lives. Like you said in his blessing "...I don't know why you came when you did, but I do know you were sent here to soften hearts.."

So the months went by, my due date was March 14, 2011. Paxton was growing, and clearly I was too. I loved him more than anything and I hadn't even seen his precious baby face. He was everything, all my decisions were based off Paxton. Things were rocky, our relationship was rough, my family was trying to be supportive, Carsen's was doing their best to understand especially after we decided that we were going to Parent and not Place for Adoptions. But all they could do was try to understand because this was MY baby, MY decisions, and they could be apart of it or not, but it was, what it was.

32 weeks pregnant..
"GRANDMA!!!!"
"what? what??"
" I think something just fell out of me while I was peeing, it hurt."
"Are you bleeding?"
"No."
"Then the baby just probably dropped, he's getting ready to come."

Most miserable night of my life. Something felt so wrong. I went to school for the second week at my new school, which I hated. I was so outta place, I missed my boyfriend, my friends and my teachers.
I felt so awkward, I felt sick, my tummy hurt. I decided to call the doctor, explained to her what happened and she said come in. I went in and was told I was going into preterm labor and was dilated 2 cm. I was told to go straight to the hospital.
I sent Carsen, Jason and Chelsea a text. When I got home to get my stuff for the hospital they were all waiting anxiously. Carsen was freaking out, Jason was speaking spanish and Chelsea was well.. Chelsea was pacing.
The hospital was so hectic my family all came, but Paxton was to early to come. I spent 5 hours in the hospital while they gave me shot after shot trying to stop my preterm labor. My baby need to still cook. Once stopped, I got a pain shot for my contractions and was told I was on bed rest and needed to be seen once a week.

BED REST!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!

This was the longest 4 weeks of my life. Yes, Reader I said 4 weeks because Paxton was a big big baby, Doc told me at 36 weeks do what I can to have my baby because he was gonna be ready and huge for being "that" early.

February 15, 2011
The greatest day of my life. 24 hours of labor. Kill me please.
6:55pm
Doctor says it's time to push
*push*
*push*
..rest...
*push*
7:01pm
It's a boy! Paxton Michael Rhodes joined us here on earth.