"I breathe in, I breath out.."

Dear Reader,

I'm happy to be talking to you today, it has actually been a really good day, and a really good week. Finals are just around the corner so I figure if I can get as many blogs as possible in before that busy week, you'll be pretty much caught up. Although these next few entries will be very important, information filled and will help you get exactly where I am today.


I breathe in, I breathe out.
This is the only way I can keep my sanity. I come to the realization that I can not make Carsen cooperate with me whenever I want him to, I can't control Carsen. I have to take one day at a time, with him and Paxton. I have to breathe in and breathe out.
All I want is for things to be okay. I want to know that we can both be good parents without being together, and every time I start to think that we are getting to a point where Co-Parenting is going to be easy and we can do it one more thing pops up to argue about.
WORK WITH ME...
please, just work with me. Not for me. Not for you. But for this precious baby we brought in the world together.

I have the most amazing best friend Reader. You need to know about her. She's such an amazing person, and I and especially Paxton are so so very blessed to have her. Payton is going to be an amazing mother and she needs to know that. Reader this is not totally astray for this entry it's key. Payton is a lifesaver. I had NO help from Carsen on classes, or daycare or transportation with Paxton while we would both we in school and working. Everyday I needed help at the University before school started and even with picking daycare, Payton was by my side every step of the way. Picking a daycare was hard. Why? Daycare is as expensive as a car payment or even more. It's hard to hand your child over for hours to someone you hardly know. And being a way from my son was even harder.
We had done daycare while I was in high school but he was just downstairs and it was free, and they called me when he needed to nurse it wasn't like it was going to be now.
Carsen seemed to not care about where we put Paxton for daycare, so my amazing best friend came with me to the tour. She's great. She asked question that I forgot to ask. She wanted to know where Paxton was going to be and what he was going to learn. I am so grateful for her, this would have been the hardest thing ever to do by myself. Thank you Payt. I love you. 

So I picked my classes, my work schedule and a daycare. And since Carsen had put no input in on ANYTHING he had to deal with it. Whatever I said kinda went.
So we put Paxton in daycare, and all Carsen wanted to do was complain about how much it was! I pay half so why are you complaining? I could be really mean and make you pay all of it. Just work with me PLEASE!!

School finally started and things started to work out. We started getting a good schedule going for the baby. We were finally helping each other, if I had a test he'd take the baby and vice versa. And then about 3 weeks into school... I missed the last step and broke my ankle and foot.

Great...

*CRACK*

"OH my gosh!! Are you okay?"

"Uh..yeah I think so."
I hobble over to the bench outside of the social science building and begin crying so hard. I can not break my foot, it's my first semester, I am a freakin' waitress, I have Paxton.
From a distance I see Carsen and I yell for him.

"Carsen!! Carsen!!"

"What the heck did you do?"

"I missed the last stair and heard a big crack..(tears roll down my face) I think I broke it. Can you help me..please?"



"Yeah, yeah of course. Do I need to take you to the ER?"

"Uh... No just to the clinic."

"Okay."

So Carsen scooped me up and carried my half way to the clinic then I was ready to try and walk so he helped me. We're almost to the Clinic and these kids are behind us, walking so slow I tell Carsen we need to move out of the way so they can get by. And this kids say:

"Oh no. It's okay. I understand, Love is in the air."

uh...wait! This is my ex husband....