I don't know who you are, if we know each other, why you're reading or what you think but I want to shine light on my life; I want to inspire others the way I've been inspired so, let's begin..
I'm Manda Monson, I'm 18 years old and a mother to a beautiful baby boy Paxton. I am recently divorced, and a freshman at Weber State.
I used to blog as a freshman in high school and then got preoccupied with the life of an average high school kid, deleted my blog and did the "high school thing" until October of my junior year, when I was sitting in the Doctor's office at 3:15pm when I was told I was indeed pregnant. My world stopped, I didn't know if I was to cry, be happy for myself, be mad at myself, or maybe even Carsen. I didn't know what I was to do. I was a 16 year old junior in high school, just trying to be a kid for the FIRST time in my life, and here I am realizing that I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant in high school, I'm unmarried and pregnant. I will never forget that day October 19, 2010..the day my life changed..forever.
Now Reader you must understand that I was thinking I was just barely pregnant and that I may have time to think about this,, about being freakin' pregnant. I must tell you now, that I, I was wrong. I was not just barely pregnant. I was 19 weeks and 5 days pregnant... DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?? This means that for the last almost 5 months of my life I had no clue that I was pregnant that I, Manda Nicole was growing a little person inside of me! Don't think I am naive, because I am not. I did not gain weight, I did not gain weight, and well I never had a regular "flow" if you get what I mean, so it was a surprise. FIVE MONTHS!!!!
And this was where my life began.
The doctor had to leave to deliver a baby, but promised an ultra sound when she returned, this was the craziest 30 minutes of my life.
Carsen was clearly the first to call.... No answer.... ring ring...No answer...
Text message: "Carsern, you need to answer!"
"I'm with friends Manda, what did the doctor say?"
"Carsen,,I'm pregnant..."
No reply
"I told you, you needed to answer."
Mommy was next...ring ring.. No answer, 12 calls later no answer.
Text message: "mommy, I'm calling you for a reason answer your damn phone."
Mommy calls.
"what's going on baby?"
"mom....(tears roll down my face)"
"baby what's wrong, why are you crying?"
"momma,,,I'm pregnant...5 months pregnant."
"what..."
"It's true I'm not lying."
"I'll be down to your house in an hour and half, don't tell grandma until i'm with you."
"okay...momma i'm sorry"
"baby don't be sorry it'll all be okay. I love you."
"I love you too mom, bye"
"bye, oh and baby,,I know you'll be an amazing mother."
*Knock Knock*
me:"come in."
SHIT!! It was Carsen and his mom. She was crying, I was crying, he was crying. She was so disappoint, he was so scared and I, I was so confused, and overwhelmed.
"I wish you guys would've been smarter if you were going to have sex, but it's here now. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that I think placing this baby for adoption would be the most responsible thing for you guys to do, I'll see you when your dad get home."
That was it, that's all she said! Place my baby, and then walked away...WHAT???
This was the most dramatic time of my life.
"Carsen...what are we gonna do?"
"I...I...I don't know Manda.."
"I'm sorry.."
"..I'm sorry baby.."
"I am so scared."
"I think we should place for adoption Manda."
*Knock Knock*
Doctor is back. It's ultrasound time.
"Well he looks big and healthy for being unknown for so long!"
"wait, what?? did you say he?"
"Yes, you're having a boy"
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